As a non-Potterphile, I'll wait to borrow book five, rather than pay for it.
When you were at the White House, did you remember to bow and curtsy?

I've started my Master's Project. Jesus H. Buddha Muhammad Krishna, What a monster. I'll be busy with this until 2004.

I hurt myself reading a book this weekend. I feel betrayed, angry, and dissappointed with my body.

Boys are not hard to lure. According to research, they like and respond to, in no particular order: cleavage, breasts, comic books, video games, guns, fake boobs, tight asses, The Matrix, Star Trek, sports, dating advice from women, dick or pussy jokes, their mommies.

I talked to Grandpa Joe today about the NL Central. He predicted a dismal third for the Redbirds. My prediction for NL Central: Cubs finish first. During their celebration Dusty Baker seals the final step of the Cubs Suicide Pact by lacing their Old Styes with poison during the club house celebration.

The ex-Cub factor that has been plaguing Major Legue Baseball for years is finally broken. (Mark Grace bats .400 in 2004)

I wouldn't mind being a fucking rabbit - or a celibant squirrel.

and finally,,,,,,, i went to washington d.c. this weekend and for the first time in my life saw the white house........... am i the last one of the beavers to see it?

harry Potter book 5............. rise of the phoenix...... who has started reading it?

Matt, How do I lure lots of young boys to Boy of the Week.com?
It's important to get this up and running.

I have no problem being reincarnated as one of the many types of rodent species, such as the beaver or otter. I don't want to be a bug--that is my human bias--but life would at least be comparitively short. Exotic creatures come to mind when I think of having a choice in inhabiting a new life form, especially sea creatures: squid, plankton, crab, jellyfish, stingray.

Oh, to be a plankton. Life's duties would be simpler. My life's goal would be to be eaten by a blue whale.

I could do forrest creatures too. Brown bear or elk. The nobility of the woodland.

Bow before me you fucking rabbits and squirrels.

There is a scene in Citizen Kane where they are at the printing press deciding which headline to run for the next day after the election in which Kane appears to have lost by a landslide because of the scandal with the singer. Instead of "Kane Elected!" they are forced to run "Fraud At The Polls!"

There is a sci-fi movie that does a homage of this scene after an alien invasion. The printing press operators are trying to decide which headline to run: "World Ends!" or "World Saved!"

Jesus Christ, it is hard to find a good cult. But I have found a parady of one -- Church of the Subgenius.

One of the jokes revolves around X-Day, which was June 6th, 1998, when spaceships filled with sex goddesses comes to Earth and take away the subgenii, then destroy the world.

One of the purposes of the X-day myth is to scare all other cults into killing themselves. So far so good. Like the weak-minded followers they are, many have succeeded, such as those Heaven's Gate folks. Other notable Mass suicides in recent years.

If we can just scare those sex-crazed Raelians...our only real rival. They have more than their fair shair of hot, sex addicted women.
And Matt might be offended by this Raelian endeavor, "'Babytron' Artificial Womb Is the Next Raelian Project"

On my tombstone, I want it to say:

"I could not find a good suicide cult
and I grew old"

On my tombstone I want it to say:

"America's Funnyman"

On my tombstone, I want it to say:

"With the short time I had
I tried to be funny"

What is this "red headed pussy demon named Kimberly?"

I bought twelve condoms expecting to have protected sex with 12 different wholesome camping girls. Two of them had red hair. Pussy demon was conspicously absent. I did however get some good pictures of me blowing condoms up with my nose tonight. Scottie also took some pictures of me wearing my old manager's brazziere.

I went camping last night. fun stuff. I wasted 12 bucks on condoms. I felt like a jack-off.

tayter? 3rd string Cardinal team is tied for first with the baby bears. Who's your Daddy now?

"And I thought the original movie was bullshit" That's right Beavers, I saw Matrix 2 tonight. What a horrible and miserable piece of Crap! The characters were barely one-dimensional, and the dialogue was ( . . . . .)


That''s the best I got. Somebody wrote the dialogue.They shouldn't have done that. I'm mad that I had to listen to all of that shit. I just wanted the machines to break, and the humans to start drinking. That's not sci-fi but It would have actually Meant something. Talking about the infallible nature of machines, the ice machine at work broke again the other day. That fucking thing has one job. Make Ice. And it breaks. If I had one job, and it was to make ice. I would make the hell out that ice.

The phrase: "the word idiot" could also be considered an idiom.

Inserting "most" before "previous" in your previous post is considered idiomatic. Idiomatic is derived from the word idiot.

Sometimes when I'm eating something with my shirt off, I will spill and catch food in my belly button. What I do is take a damp rag, and dab.

What an odd sentence this is:

Backing up the theory that randy youngsters have no qualms about coupling in the great outdoors is the increase in sales of videos catching copulating couples pumping pubics in public.

It's all an illusion. If you meet her and talk to her out somewhere away from the bars the illusion will be lost.

-----------------------------------------Flatulent Gasbag #3 fans above this line-----------------------------------------------------

Soda is bad for you Matt. Betta recognize fool.

My face has cleared up. On an unrelated note, I feel woozy, like I'm on acid. I even saw colors in the corners of my vision. I think I just need a nap. I drank a whole soda and now i feel better.

uncle mike,
congrats on the uncle thing. I've been away... my phone is disconnected so i have no internet access cept for the folks house.
I spend about 25 minutes in the shower i would guess. i just like to relax in the steamy hot shower so the first 5 minutes or so... i just stand under the water.
matt K. --what did you do to your face?
I saw brian wanless today.... he stopped in the video store to drop off movies... he's so thoughtful he even came in to say hello.

I heard about Matt N. I guess there was a button to open the gate, but he decided to climb over it, slipped and gouged his head on the top.

If there were a victor I would have to say Matt K as his impairment is not due to drunken idiocy.

Yes, I am the Red Eye Ninja, and Matt N. is my rival, of the Black and Blue Eye School.

It was a bitter struggle, with no clear victor.

You should wear dark sunglasses.

Tell anyone that asks what happened to you that you fell down the stairs.

Dude, I look like a hideous freak. My right eye is swollen and red, it looks like somebody punched me in the face. I'm embarressed to talk to anybody I work with, and I've been avoiding my boss and my coworkers.

Yet when I go to the bathroom and see myself in the mirror, I have to laugh. I think it looks cool. People just won't understand.

I'll write a song called "The Handsome Leper" to help people understand this plight of mine.

The diseased man shuffled
along the dusty road
sun beating on his face
swollen like a toad

repulsive as this leper was
rotting flesh digusting as sin
he possessed a Clintonian charm and charisma
pretty maidens unable to stop looking at and desiring him

A little boy and an old man were walking into the woods.

The little boy sqeezed the older man's hand and said, "I'm afraid. I'm afraid of going into these woods."

The older man replied, "Your afraid? Think about how I'm going to feel coming out alone."

(Sing like a folksy Lucinda Williams around a campfire)

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Put needles in my belly in
take samples of my skin
I don't care as long as I can live with saucerman
I know that you don't take requests
but I'm a special case
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Hey cow mutilators
Let me join your crew
Give me me a knife You bet your life
I'll cut up cows for you
I don't care if your some kind of ghastly beast
without a face
so come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Come down you tiny robot with your little nipper claws
You pale and bugeyed alien with white and flabby paws
life is just suckers dream and death is a discrace
so come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

"Take Me Off 2 Space" -- Nenslo

A mushroom walks into a bar.

The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve mushrooms here."

The mushroom replies: "Why not? I'm a fun guy (fungi)."

Wake me up when this blog is over, please.

My face is swollen with some kind of allergic reaction or bacteria or monkeypox or something. I like the look: Mad Max meets burn victim. The redness and itching is around my right eye and under my chin, and the rest of my face is slightly puffy.

What's worse is that the itching has spread to my weiner. How embarrasing is that? It's like I have crabs or something, trying not to scratch. Should I take my penis to the doctor?

"Doctor, I think you should have a look at this."

"Could you put the cream on a little slower please?"

"You know doctor, you have a sexy ass. I can tell even through the lab coat you are a beautiful woman."

I got shampoo in my eye. It stings.

I'm glad we got this conversation recorded. The uterine shower and its philosophical implications complete and surpass the work of the 19th and 20th centuries' psychologists.

You heard it hear first.

Beavers been a bit dry lately, so I figure I'd write about what I do in the shower. I read an article about men spending much more time in the shower lately, and the point the writer was trying to make was that men are becoming much more like women in their grooming habits.

step #1. dance around naked until I get the right tempertuare (about 10-15 seconds)
step #2. scratch my ass. (about a minute and a half)
step #3 smell my finger (about a second or two)
step #4 consider yanking it (ten seconds)
step #5 yank it (four minutes)
step #6 turn up the cold water till everything returns to normal (1 to 2 minutes)
step #7 brush teeth and use mouthwash (90 seconds)
step #8 dance around naked and bang on wall to let neighbor know I'm trying to take a shower, so if she could stop doing the dishes that would be great (30 seconds)
step #9 wonder if I washed my hair yet (10 seconds)
step #10 wash ass (1 Minute)
step #11 play with belly (15 seconds)
step #12 think (1 minute)
step #13 shave (1 minute)

I spend about 12 to 15 minutes in the shower. Does that make me a girl? Hey Moni. How does your grooming habits in the shower compare?

I don't wanna know what Matt Bright does in the shower.

"Sometimes I park
In handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people
make handicapped faces."
-Dennis Leary

Go read the Tard Blog. http://www.tardblog.com

Happy Birthday Matt.

Is that picture the site of your new home, or are you the tractor?

I put up a post today!

My kung-fu is stronger than yours.

Seeing Katherine again last night was quite a little coincidence, and it brought out some powerful feelings. It's weird with some people, especially with people of the same birth sign in my case--we just have this strange unbreakable connection, even if we have never met prior. Jim's friend Margaret asked me what my birthday was, and when I told her Nov. 28, she said, "No wonder I like you."

I'm talking about sychronicity here, and loneliness. I'm fucking lonely. My dreams were crazy last night. Fucking temperamental mexicans. They get so angry at you, then chase you around the grocery store. And all it took was for me to apologize to make things right again (I could barely do it I got so choked up with emotion and the cookies in my mouth). All the animosity, all the betrayal, all the trespasses were forgiven. Fucking temperamental mexicans.

depressed depressed depressed. I woke up singing that White Stripes song about Citizen Kane and now I want to see Citizen Kane. "I'll bet you five there's none alive who don't know his name." Is he referring to William Randolf Hearst in that line? I mean, Orsen Wells put the pet name that Hearst used for his girlfriend/wife's clitoris in the movie: Rosebud. What brashness!

More music news: New Blur. New Radiohead. New Grandaddy. The new Radiohead album "Hail to the Thief's" final track: Wolf at the Door, is a confessional tale about Thom Yorke getting jumped on the street by some hooligans (thugs). Possibly Radiohead's scariest track.

Don't know shit about the Few, and I wouldn't trust Amazon's opinion of them. The last thing I'm scouting out is another Bright Eyes.

Thanks for the Babyshambles link Matt. The great thing about the Libertines are that they are insanely good. Those crazy drunk mothers do a cover of a song by the Coral, which is another really fun English band to listen to. The libertines' cover of Moldy Peaches' "Whose Got the Crack" pales in comparison to Scott, Kate, Mike and Kevin's. On Friday nights we like to do our rendition of the "Crack" song out the open windows overlooking W. Washington Street in hope that someone might just have the crack for us.

It's funny because it's true.

I like the Onion Headline: Asshole Proud of Asshole Son

Who here doesn't like The Onion?

MC Serch Updates List Of Gas-Face Recipients
QUEENS, NY—For the first time since the list's 1989 release, MC Serch of 3rd Bass unveiled an updated Gas Face list Tuesday, removing such longtime recipients as Hammer and P.W. Botha in favor of more current wrongdoers. "Osama bin Laden... gets the gas face," MC Serch, flanked by Prime Minister Pete Nice, told reporters. "Bill O'Reilly, shut the fuck up! Gas face!" Also included on MC Serch's newly revised Gas Face list were Scott Peterson, U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), and Grand Puba.

There was a great joke on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn last night from an Arab comic:

After Sept. 11th, I read a report saying that hate crimes against muslims went up 1000 percent. But statistically, muslims were still behind blacks, gays, and jews in being discriminated against.

What else do we have to do?

If you act like a dumb shit, they will treat you like an equal.
Like a what?!
an equal
Like a WHAT?!
an equal
If you act like a what?!
a dumb shit!
they will treat you like an equal.

They will drown you in their mediocrity.

Dear Amazon.com Customer,
We've noticed that many of our customers who have purchased albums by Bright Eyes also enjoy the music
of The Few. For this reason, you might like to know that The Few's new album The Few is now available. You can order yours at a savings of $1.99 by following the link below.


The
Few
The Few

Know anything about these "The Few" boys, Mike? I'm enjoying the Libertines. I heard of the babyshambles sessions in Rolling Stone.

40 HOT DOWNLOADS FROM ENGLAND'S WORSE-TOOTHED BAND
(AKA -- PROOF WE'RE GETTING BACK ON TOP OF THINGS)

By now the world has witnessed that The Libertines are trying to present themselves as crazy motherf*ckers, or at least out-of-control drunkards, so no one will be surprised by the following:

In the last month or so The Libertines recorded what is now known as the Babyshambles Sessions -- over 3 hours of previously un-heard Libertines material. On it are new songs, cover songs, unreleased song, etc.

But here's the part of lunacy -- Pete Libertines had decided to go about sharing these recordings with the world by giving the only version of the tracks to a girl he hardly knew, entrusting her with the task of keeping her word and sharing them with the fans. And girl was good on it and has since put all of the material up on the internet at Babyshambles.org. On it you'll find surprises such as Rough Trade labelmate Adam Green's version of "What A Waster," and Libertines' versions of The Coral's "Dreaming of You," and The Moldy Peaches' "Who's Got the Crack?"

I'm only curious. We have applications that use send out email and email servers out at UIS. I'm a programmer, so I inquire about these things. The WUIS donations web form is one of those applications. The email server eagle.uis.edu recently went offline and the WUIS programming manager asked me a few questions about fixing it when I stopped by to see Bob Meyer.

Yes Matt, they can use other peoples' mail servers to send out spam. It's called relaying and it's used in nearly 100% of all spam you recieve. What brings about your interest in security may I ask?

AWOL is quite serious. In battle you can be shot for it. A military jail is nothing to joke about. You DO NOT want to go there.

How serious is AWOL anyways? Is it worse than shoplifting $300 dollars in clothes?

Corn Ear, do you ever work with email servers? Can spammers use other peoples' email servers to send out spam?

I love it when a girl says: "your impressed the pants me."

Also, today the little red head girl said I spanked her, because I've worked at the Olvie Garden for nine years (in July) and she's only worked there for four.

I don't understand girls either.

Ben Jammin is only a few days old and he's already read The Last Night of the Earth Poems by Charles Bukowski and the Holy Bible. This kid is special.

On a lighter note, my friend that I went to see that just graduated basic last weekend is AWOL right now. I told him tonight the longer he doesn't go back the worse it will be for him. Oh well, it's his life. He should do what he thinks is best for him, right?

I'll take that bridge four lanes please.

Ruth's husband Jim has started drinking after 20 years of sobriety. Ruth needs help with dealing with this difficult time and my mother has offered to help. She is with Ruth now.

Good side: I got the afternoon to myself and got to watch the Pianist in peace. Great movie, quiet afternoon. Other people's chaos is my reward.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said,
'OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get one wish.'

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said,
'I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?'

The genie laughed and said, 'That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel! No, think of another wish.'

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said,
'I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing"... know how to make them truly happy. .'

The genie said,
'You want that bridge two lanes or four?'

ass but no fuck.

Hey guys, howzit going. I put up the rest of the online Midterm Exam for Nancy Ford's Family Law class this morning. I still have to copy conferences from one Business Administration course (MARKETING COMMUNICATIONS) to another. It's a long, tedious, painful process. Luckily I have my 75 Hours of Slack to listen to. Praise Bob.

Several Pre-Publication editions of the Supplemental Ombudsmen Training Modules are ready for download. Margaret is relieved to finally get these done. We still have the Retirement Research Foundation Report due in July to work on. Thankfully, I get the next few days off from ICARE.

Matt K is angry. I tried out his search engine. Here is the result:

3 occurences of ass found in the Fall 2003 courses

Congrats on the kid.

Welcome Benjamin Michael to this wonderous and frightening world! Congrats to all the new Uncles, Grandpas and Grandmas.

Check out the search engine I made for the online program: Online Course Schedule

Why on earth would you need template access, Phuh Quer?

One person with a fever is not nearly enough reason to 'start shooting those dirty prarie dogs', Mr. Blow-Monkeypox-out-of-Proportion.

A British officer in Basra tells this joke, in the spirit of the mainly Anglo-American coalition. A British gentleman and a French lady with a lap poodle are sharing a compartment in a train with an American soldier. The soldier gets up to open the window and bumps into the French woman. He starts to apologize, but she berates him as rude and clumsy. After a few minutes of this he calmly reaches over, grabs her poodle by the scruff of the neck and throws it out the window. Beside herself with rage, she demands that the Brit come to her assistance. “Certainly, madam,” he says, turning to the American. “I beg your pardon sir, but it appears that you have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”

I think we should all get guns and start shooting those dirty prarie dogs.

Yo la Tengo is the most impressive band I've ever seen live. Someone in the audience accused Ira Kaplan of corking his guitar. I wouldn't doubt it.

For Hannakhu this year I want to got to see YLT in Hoboken, New Jersey for their eight day show. Whose with me?

That's right! I have a new identity. And with my new identity I have new responsibilites. I wanna teach the little beaver how to throw a nuckle ball. Unfortunately I know about as much teaching the nuckle ball as I do training a dog to swim.

Me and Matty got back from Chi town today. My fondest memory of the trip thus far was watching the otters showboat at the aquariam. Most of the fish were fat and stupid, but that otter really knew how to get the crowd going. He had a fairly large exhibit with a small waterfall in the middle. He'd fly off the waterfall and then climb up the rocks and then do it over again - to the glee of kids and adults alike. When he got sick of that he'd do laps in his pool, doing flips and kicking off the glass. The kids gave him high fives everytime he kicked off the glass. I wanted to give him a high-five too but the kids wouldn't get out the way

We're in Chicago having fun at my cousins house. Going downtown soon. See ya, suckas.

Judge says nizzle-shizzling not an offence
Thu Jun 5,10:06 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - A judge has ruled that the lyrics of a rap record urging the listener to "shizzle my nizzle" and referring to a "mish mish man" did not constitute an offence.

Presiding in the case of UK rap artist Andrew Alcee against the Heartless Crew, High Court Judge Lewison ruled that not only were the lyrics not necessarily offensive but that they may as well have been in a foreign language.

Alcee is claiming that a remix by Heartless Crew of the Ant'ill Mob's 2001 garage hit "Burnin" constituted "derogatory treatment" of his copyright because the lyrics contained references to violence and drugs.

"This led to the faintly surreal experience of three gentlemen in horsehair wigs examining the meaning of such phrases as "mish mish man" and "shizzle my nizzle", the judge said.

Dismissing the claim, he added that despite extensive surfing of the Internet in search of illumination, he had been unable to establish whether the words complained of in the rap were actually references to violence and drugs.

"Some definitions carried sexual connotations. The most popular definitions were definitions of the phrase "fo' shizzle my nizzle" and indicated that it meant "for sure". There were no entries for "mish mish man," he said.

I always thought that was an inside change-up. You were the only guy that threw a change-up with a wiffle ball Joe.

I hopefully will not see any of you in Chicago this weekend. I'll be spending most of the time in Wicker Park, so stay away.

There are actually five different mobile phone standards in use
in the U.S.

AMPS
TDMA
CDMA
iDEN
GSM

Further complicating things, there is 800Mhz and 1900 Mhz for CDMA,
TDMA, and GSM. Most CDMA phones will work on 800 MHz & 1900 Mhz CDMA,
plus 800 Mhz AMPS. Most TDMA phones will work on 800 Mhz & 1900 Mhz
TDMA plus 800 Mhz AMPS. There is no such thing as a CDMA+TDMA phone.
Most GSM phones will work ONLY on 1900 Mhz GSM, though there are
beginning to be some 800 Mhz+1900 Mhz models available, as well as
some world phones that add 900Mhz and 1800 Mhz. As I stated before,
there are a couple of GSM+TDMA+AMPS phones, but these are hard to
find and are not sold in all areas. They were developed to ease the
transition from TDMA to GSM by Cingular (AT&T Wireless has chosen
not to offer these phones even though they are making the same
transition).

Mike, I'll see you tomorrow at 11:00. Matt, we'll see you at New City YMCA at 5:30. Bob, we'll see you in our dreams.

I have no problem with cheating in baseball. I think it makes the game better. As far as Sammy's excuse goes - nobody's buying it. I don't know why major leaguers have such a hard time telling the difference between their corked bats and their legal ones. If I was an honest ball player I'd have "corked bat" written on it so my dumb latino ass would know the difference.

The biggest redneck in baseball is a tie between Woody Williams and J.D. Drew. They're also two of the hottest players in baseball. I don't know why you republicans have such a problem with good old boys these days. The biggest cracker ass in politics is sitting in the oval office.

Does comparing Patterson to Edmunds deserve a response? Yes.

I've urintated on Wrigley Field many times before. There was no malice in it, only relief.

Ikkyu, the Zen master, was very clever even as a boy. His teacher had a precious teacup, a rare antique. Ikkyu happened to break this cup and was greatly perplexed. Hearing the footsteps of his teacher, he held the pieces of the cup behind him. When the master appeared, Ikkyu asked: "Why do people have to die?"

"This is natural," explained the older man. "Everything has to die and has just so long to live."

Ikkyu, producing the shattered cup, added: "It was time for your cup to die."

When a girl has her period it only lasts a few days. What is your hang-up on impermanence? You are here now, and you will be here in the next minute (if all goes well). Get a grip on your existentialist malaise, fool.

We need a camera for our trip. I want a picture of me outside of Wrigley field urinating.

(Note to cub fans: I'm joking. I like the cubs. Direct your rage somewhere else.)

My new t-shirt reads: I survived the lay-offs at UIS!

Matt, why don't you get one of those pay per usage phones? You will be able to have one for your trip that way.

It's yet another possession though, it is your choice. I gained a new possession today. A digital camera. This is the model http://home.fujifilm.com/products/digital/digitalcamera/fx2800z/index.html#
I will never be able to capture the true beauty and ugliness of this world with it. :(

An astrisk and period are as temporary as everything else. There is no permanence.

An asterisk is forever, but a period is a girls best friend.

Me no cell phone la tengo.

"Tainted Wins" Sosa strikes (out) again.

An asterisk is forever.

Life is temporary. Why concern yourselves with these things?

I think they should put an asterisk by Sammy's homerun stats. Where the hell is tayter salad when you need a chump cub fan to harrass?

Say it aint so SammySo.

I'm looking forward to seeing all those bands play meself. Let us meet at the "will call" ticket box at 5:30. I assume that is at the same location as the show, correct?

You guys don't have differing opinions; you haven't really even defined your arguments.

Matt, how are we going to get the tickets to Friday's show? Last time we talked you told me that you would meet us at the show.

Matt B, although we have differing opinions on what is wrong with it, we both agree that it is wrong. Let us not fight each other.

I will be leaving at 3:30 to go up north on Friday. I will not be seeing any of you there.

Mike, do you mind if we leave your house around 11 or 12 on Friday for Chi-town?

You are the man with the plan, Ear Of Corn. Good thinking!

Matt B. Don't change your posts after a response. It's not very nice.

Matt K. You need to try the world of direct marketing. Get your nutjob ideas out to your specific demographic. This scattered shot shit isn't going to work. Get with the times Menonite.

Because I talk nonsense like the previous post, I will be forever relegated to the Internet. There is no room on television for loony voices like mine. Except on C-Span. Those caller are insane! And you don't hear them anywhere else on TV! I heard David Icke mentioned twice from different callers. Now if you don't know, David Icke is the premiere loony-bin conspiracy crackpot in the world.

Exactly. One has to apply his idealistic values to his own life experiences, not at a general institution or group, or you'll end up an abortion clinic bombing fanatic like that poor schmoe Rudolph that they just caught dumpster diving.

I support gun ownership rights, but I would like to get across to these Christian Patriot Militia types that you cannot shoot Television airwaves. The media is the enemy here, the very form itself, not the government or the military. But TV and radio cannot be uninvented so we have to deal with it right now as it is.

Interesting concept, possible solution: TV and radio programs not driven by advertising. That would really dissolve the distracting dialectic between the two factions of the Republicratic Conservaliberalicans.

Matt, that's not my point entirely. If you want to get into the race issue only white people were pulled over first, second, I believe in not making assumptions on anyone regarding race. I've got a hip-hop label for christ-diddly-sakes and I'm white. I feel very strongly on rights dictated by the amendments to the constitution regardless if some psyco decides to blow shit up and shoot other people,or speak about whatever they feel as loudly as they want. Do what you want as long as it doesn't hurt other people. My point is that there has to be a stand somewhere. Don't let beaurocrats push you around. If you feel strongly about something and your in a position to do it, don't sit idley around, do what you can to change it. I'm not giving up that easily. I can only be pushed so far!

Fascinating dreams last night. All the good stuff. Sex, violence, terror, death, and a pack of killer dogs.

In one scene, after the erotic non-sex scene, I was shot in the forehead. I fell to the ground, seeing the world as if I was watching a movie where they drop the camera and it just lays on the ground filming away, but I did not die. It wasn't that kind of bullet.
So then I wake up to find that they buried me and this other dead guy in a parking lot much like my own. Oddly, only one of our legs was buried, yet buried entirely, straight down into the ground, like you would to pot a plant. It wasn't difficult to get out of the dirt.

I thought I was being helpful when I honked at the guy in the red truck sitting at the light after pulling out of Grab-a-Java. But by the universal hand gesture for "Fuck off" that he gave me, I then realized my help was not needed.

Coffee drinkers are crabby when they don't get there coffee.

I was waved through.

We have to protect Springfield from itself and/or invading armies. What kind of questions were you asked by the "safety checkers"?

Yes, I screwed up his title and don't forget the grammatical and spelling errors either. Oh well, I was hurried, tired, and pissed off. It was also a web form. Does anyone want to debate me on this topic? My view is already laid out.

Ok, I went to my mom's house this evening to pick up a package and on the way home I ran into a roadside "safety check". I went home and sent a message to the mayor. This is what it was:

Hon. Mr. Davlin,

I request as a life long resident that there be a stop to the trampeling of our fourth amendment rights in this city. I had the unfortunate expirience of running into one of these roadside "safety checks" and was disgusted with what I saw. I find it no less than harassment and although I had not been selected to participate in the festivities wish I had to give them a piece of my mind. (Probably for the best I didn't. It's not their fault)

I sincerly pray that this community does not use its police force for revenue generating activities as this does not only taint the image of the majority of fine officers out there, but prevents people from visiting here do to harassment they may incur.

Thank you for your time,

Brian Wanless

Your fortune for today:

Your colleagues will begin referring to you as the greatest mind they've ever encountered, in much the same way people call the fat guy Tiny.