OK. Check it. This is what I've been up to lately. I'm currently learning how to do squirrl calls.

"chic kchh chica, kichh - kee kee kee." That means, "I am fucking hating you."

"Keeechh eek chik chik cheeka, chick week chic." Translates into, "I can't find any fucking nuts, fuck you."

"Cheek eech chik wick." Means, "Get out of that fucking tree."

I've learned something from studying squirrls.

According to one unnamed senior al-Qaida associate, various ideas were floated by mujahadeen in Afghanistan, the commission said. The options included taking over a launcher and forcing Russian scientists to fire a nuclear missile at the United States, mounting mustard gas or cyanide attacks against Jewish areas in Iraq or releasing poison gas into the air conditioning system of a targeted building.

This article was stolen by Me, and it was stolen from CNN. This came from the 9-11 commision. Are you geniuses scared yet?

Can you imagine these geniuses taking over a Russian launcher, and then forcing Russian scientists to fire a nuke at the US? Could that really happen? I think we should talk to the Russians about that.

Hey Matt. This is Mike Mann. I am the most popular beaver.

Did you guys hear George Bush fell off his bike? John Kerry asked if it was because he took his training wheels off. How funny is that?

Matt, your "humor is dead" link doesn't work because the site went down after it came to the conclusion that the phrase "(something) is dead" is dead. Now that is funny.

Oh, and also Matt, I cannot come and visit you because I've come to the realization that you are a complete psychopath.

This girl at work today (who has an incredle ass) told me today that she is on anti-psychotics. I wanted to tell her that I knew already, but I kept my mouth shut.

I think we should take anti-psychotics.

All right. All right. I am going to do an impression now:

"I don't know why you people don't get it. Are you really so stupid that you can't see that we are at war with these people. These people want to kill you, and you want to protect them. And that is exactly what is going to happen if you vote for that man. Are you people really that stupid?"

"Actually I wanted to speak to the one with the blue feathers, would you mind asking him to step over here for a moment.

I'd like to talk to him about that pile of shit he deposited on my baby's head while we were walking in the park."

"Hey you two - up on the wire. Would you mind flying down here so I can have a word with you?"