Rummy, Ashcroft, and Bush all have sweet firm asses. I wonder if they jog together at 5:30 in the morning around Capital Hill?
Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, on the other hand, are a little flabby in the tushie. I heard the Prez does 500 pushups and works out 3 times a day. He is a fit machine.

And again, Mr. Ashcroft is right. It's not busomy women with firm apple behinds that protect this wonderful country from the terrible evil of the Arab world. However. let us not forget the countless heroic men in the millitary with firm apple behinds, that fight for the freedoms that we Americans so dearly cherish.

John Ashcroft today denounced female comic book superheroes as being too "busomy, with firm ample behinds." The Attorney General went on to urge popular comic book publishing companies, like DC and Marvel, to draw their male superheroes with "packages that are not so bulging or pronounced."
"The real heroes are the men and women who serve in uniform all across this great nation, not the hard-bodied superheroes that wear skin tight body suits revealing their massive genitalia and oversized breasts and leave little to the imagination," the U.S. Attorney General stated.

How long are taxpayers going to continue to bail out Amtrack and the Post office? This country could do just fine without trains and / or the the mail. I don't know when I saw the train as anything but a physical threat to my automobile, and I don't get the mail half the time because the male carrier in my neighborhood is a drug addict.

In other news, Massive Attack has condemned any military action against Iraq. Massive Attack? Who are those guys, and who elected them the president of France.

Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein recently murdered his 3-year-old son for spilling grape juice on the dictators brand new coffee table.

In a response to recent criticism against U.S. policy against Iraq, Vice President Dick Cheney said, "I will explore all options and all tools at my disposal: diplomacy, international pressure, perhaps MASSIVE ATTACK."

As the White House deliberates what to do next about Iraq, Saddam Hussein has been busy the last 11 years hiding nucleur weapons inside orphanages and pre-schools. The United States has warned the Iraqi President that their new presicion weapons are just capable of blowing up innocent pre-school children, if not more so, then during the Gulf War.

Let the Good Times Roll.

That depends on what the meaning of the word "uh" is.
I would like to run a prison. I would have sing-a-longs and art appreciation week. And I would randomly kill prisoners to keep them in line. I would also mix the white collar criminals with the rapists and drug offenders. And my prison would have to accurately reflect, through quotas and affermative action laws, the racial diversity in America; Rather than the disproportionate 62 percent Blacks and Hispanics incarcerated that make up our prison populations today. It would be called "Shady Pines Rehabilitation Facility" and the cement walls would be painted forest green.

PRIVITIZE THE PRISONS!


uh, I guess that's all I gotta say... oh yeah. Fuck Amtrack. Trains are unamerican.

Boy, this "online conversation" has ground to a halt. Mikey, I have been trying to recruit people to join The Wily Beaver, but most are too intimidated by your intellect and charm. Monica and Eric feels they have little to contribute, Matt Natale remains silent, Kevin must not have received the invitation, and Joe and Laura are busy smashing the state.
We will have to continue on berating each other until a third party intervenes.

Poll Question:
Do you feel that online blogs are
a. a way to express individual ideas, opinions, and feelings
b. a stain on cyberspace
c. slowly destroying journalism as we know it
d. lemon peppery with a hint of lilac

Good day.

I believe I said "Good Day!"

Anarco-capitalists, Christian Anarchists, Left Anarchists, Right Anarchists, Individualist Anarchists, etc. How many Anarchist factions are there?

Personality Test

1. Do you consider yourself...
a. highly evolved, and considerably more intelligent then anybody you know
b. a cowering fool

2. When you're around friends, do you...
a. become suspicious of their motives and plot their eventuall demise
b. gullibly sit back and enjoy their company while they plan to destroy you

3. After you die, would you rather be know as...
a. a powerful worldly man like Joe Stalin who altered the face of humanity
b. a very strange man like George Michael who gets wierd faces from the rest of humanity

4. In public do you...
a. hold in your flatuance like a timid cowering nobody
b. let it rip

5. What phrase describes you best
a. "boo-hoo"
b. "boo-yah"

6. Who's a bigger lier...
a. the Gentlemen from Bloomington
b. the ratgut puke from Springfield

(Just joking... everybody knows I'm a bigger lier)

7. Would you rather spend the night...
a. Sipping from a Miller Light, listeing to the Eagles, picking out your favorite Jimmy Eat World song, and talking to your Girlfriend
b. Dying a horrible gruesome death

If you answered "a" for the first three questions award yourself a point. If you answered "b" give yourself negative 8.
For the final four answers award yourself 1 point for every "b" response, for every "a" response take a large wooden paddle and smack your own ass 25 times.

Now add up your score.

If you scored 1 - 36, you're cool in my book
If you scored a negative number and your beating your own ass with a big wooden paddle then you probably operate a blog.

A lot of people complain about flatuance, especially other people's flatuance. It's not uncommon however for people to become upset at the regularity of their own flatuance. What most people do not realize, however, is that passing gas 14 to 23 times a day is normal. Too much gas may be the result of carbohydrate malabsorption. Therefore farting should be encouraged, accepted, and ever celebrated with hoots and hollars, at least around friends and family, and sometimes in public - if it's necessary.

I am not anti-Corporation, no more than I am anti-business, anti-individual, anti-rich, or anti-American. I just want what we all want:
Equality. Fairness. Democracy. Corporate Responsibility. Help out your fellow man. Stop dominating the airwaves.
Corporations have a little too much power over consumers and own too much public domain compared to citizens.
Maybe I should start blaming the consumers for letting this happen.
Is it really Ford and GM's fault for making gas-guzzling SUV's when that is what the consumer wants?
Is it really Clear Channel Communications fault for owning nearly 1,200 radio stations and effectively controlling the rock radio market?
This consumer culture makes me ill. Buy Buy Buy, Consume, Consume, Consume.
JC Penny actually expects us to believe that "the more we buy, the more we save," during their sale of the same name. That is oxymoronic. The more you buy, the more you spend.

I'm a pretty lady, a very pretty lady.

Hello world. Here is my heart. Eat it. Step on it. I hold it out for you.

That sounds like Sylvia Plath, doesn't it? Except I wrote it. Ha. I'm a damn poet. It takes courage to admit that. Apparently I'm an Idealist too, according to the Keirsey Institute personality test. Did you know there has never been an Idealist President in the History of the United States. The Keirsey Institute people define four main different types. Blah blah blah. Like you care.
But I know that you do care. Just not about personality tests. You care about _________. (Type in your response here. With your mind.)
What do you care about? I would be curious to know, America. Who are you? Who am I?
What?

You can stiffle my ass too. You know, the Wily Beaver is not a hateful creature. Does he go around highlighting all of your spelling mistakes in red? Yes. But that is neither here nor there. The Wily Beaver is hard at work building an Axis of Peace, and will not be slowed by your malice. Like water off a beaver's back...

"Stiffle my Mouth?"

I'm not going to edit that one Mr. Green Tea and Jeans. Was that the code name for snuffing out civil rights activits during the sixties.

"no applause" - thanks anyway

*Groan*

Allright. Thank you Mike "The Stapler Menace" Mann. Look for a subpoena in the mail soon because I have gotten 200,000 signitures together from the Blogging community and we are sueing your libelous ass for defamation. Because Goddammit we are making a difference and we have something to say and we are all famous.
Besides, Blogging is exactly like journalism; except without all of the researching and interviewing to slow down the instantaneous communication flow.
And I can't believe you didn't even like the squid article. I mean for Heaven's sake, they have "humanlike eyeballs." Fucking great stuff. THousands of cephalopods washing ashore, screaming as they died. How crazy is that? Nature is full of wonderous beauty.

Why is that Stalin remark not still churning away at your insides? Could it be your inner repressed fascist dictator? It it will make you feel better, please remove any and all comments I have ever made on this website. Hell, rewrite the whole thing for all I care. You can stiffle my mouth but you cannot imprison my spirit.

Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it.
Malcolm X, Malcolm X Speaks, 1965

Mike, be a man. Take the freedom God has given you and become the censor your heart yearns for you to be!

On a different note, coming soon to The Wily Beaver is a nine part series titled, "A Lamplady in a Man's World."
Part 1: Introduction, Part 2: The Beginning, Part 3: Wasted Years, Part 4: Murder and Mayhem!, Part 5: The Struggle, Part 6: Sabatage - The Fear of Success, Part 7: Downfall, Part 8: "Give me one more chance, Lord", Part 9: Vigilance Pays the Bills

Stay tuned.

The Blog Nation: What are you wimps trying to prove?

This is an open statement to everyone who operates a blog. I've got problems with you people.

The whole idea behind a blog is to put your ideas on the web. You know, show how stupid you are. There's nothing wrong with being stupid. Almost everybody is stupid. Now we have a place where we can prove it. However, there is a catch: the option to edit.

I could rant and rave about President Bush being a boob. I could go on, let me tell you. I don't like the man. Fuck it - I hate him. I could spend the next 12 hours hating the man, and put all my thoughts down on this blog. All the while not making a damn bit of sense, and coming across as incoherant sociopath.

My point is that the President and I are both stupid. He has a hard time pronouncing some words - so do I. He says stupid things at innappropriate times - story of my life. The prezz can't take it back though.

Last night I got drunk. I told a friend of mine that I thought he was a cocky basterd and that 99% of the population doesn't like him. Then I told him how I always wanted to push down a flight of stairs. If my friend ever falls down a flight of stairs and dies, the first thing I'm going to do is erase what I just wrote. Vanish. It will have never been written.

Anyway, why am I so worked up about this? Is it because the Gentlemen from Springfield called me a Stalinest? I can edit out whatever that Gentlemen puts on this blog. Anytime throughout this blog there is a reference to me being a Stalinest, I can edit to read that I am a gorgeous bitch.

When I'm finished writing here and choose the option to "Post and Publish," am I actually publishing anything, per se? I have to say no, this is not a publication. Whatever I write is empty. I can't get sued for any libelous claim I make on this site. What's the point? If you can't get sued for saying something, why have "the guts" to say it in the first place? Blogs just seem like a place that wimps can go to talk shit about people.

The same can be said for message boards, chat rooms and any other form of communicaton that takes place over the web.

My time has expired here. Godspeed You Black Emperors!


"applause"