More from Mitch:

"I played golf....I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy and that's way more satisfying. Your supposed to yell FORE, but I was too busy mumbling that ain't no way that's gonna hit him."

"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."

"I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important that others."

"This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard."

"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."

And now, some words from wooo.



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I was watching a show today (The Today Show) about born again evagelicals. One of their spokesmen said there is a lot of people "born again" because of all the greed during the 90's.

I became furious. Now even Christians are acting like pasty ass liberals.

Mitch Hedberg is dead. dead dead dead.

dead.

bye mitch. keep your grubby druggy hands of terri.

"man, you fourth graders are all the same. always judging us fifth graders."

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Isn't bit bit adorable?

I got in trouble at work the other day because I let a bunch of stray dogs and ducks in the back door.

They took away my key and I had to go through a performance review.

Here's a pic of Britney Spear's dog, Bit Bit.


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Dear False Beaver,

As you read this post, I bet you are asking yourself: Who? Who, me? Am I a false beaver? Well, I don't know. But after this posting, I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions. Your posts are a reflection of your character. Do you, chubby for nothing, lps, throbbing androginy and other desperate beavers want posts who are honest, or those that lie? It seems to me that you'd prefer the latter. I'm really concerned about the people you hire to write your posts. I'd like them to ask themselves the question, "What am I lying to myself about?" Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren't making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? Until you face what is going on in your life, I guess you'll remain a false beaver.

skinny

P.S. Howard Dean is great in my book!

"The essence of civilization is that the strong have a duty to protect the weak."

Just me or was Bush sounding like a pasty ass liberal in his speech this morning. Grow some Conservative Balls Bush!


On a different note, I have a new dog named Lucky and I just bought her a new dresser for her room. Yes, she has a room, which she shares with Magglio. For Christmas, they got a baby chandelier to go in it.

It's the cutest thing in the world!
It's the cutest thing in the world!
It's the cutest thing in the world!

shit... sorry about that.

Have we all been talking to our families about our living will?

Personally I would like to be kept alive as long as it takes the entire nation to unanimously agree upon a decision as to what to do with me.

Everybody can talk about me for years.

Used tampons are the equivalent of vitamin rich smoothies.

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I haven't heard about dogs going after semen Matt K. Must be some personal experience? Joe wants to know if Emily taking this seman from the tap?

Anybody know why dogs eat tampons?

Big Bird Flies to Ad-Supported TV.




I'm getting paid bee-yatch.

Out of all the little pink things in the world ... why a pharmacist?

These are the tragedies of our liives. (SP)

Winter has been Hanged.

Spring has Spranged.

Uh oh.

Doctors give Pope feeding tube
Pope John Paul II is being fed through a nasal tube to aid his recovery from illness, the Vatican has revealed.

Iraq to the American television viewer mirrors the intense makeover shows -- like The Swan, Extreme Makeover, Trading Spaces,or Extreme Makeover: Home Edition -- except with more explosions.

Extreme
Makeover: Iraq

This week on Extreme Makeover
Turning Iraq into a Utopian Capitalist Free-Market Laboratory

My google search for "grateful dead bears with lightsabers" came up empty.

Disclaimer: No kittens or baby seals were harmed during the jokes on this blog.

It's funny how skinny will mispell a simple word, and instead of correcting it, just place the (sp?) superscript after it. I guess taking the extra "t" out of "nigtht" would take to long.

I'm excited for these Georgetown University Protesters. They actually got the University to raise the minimum wage for contract workers after a nine-day hunger strike! Tray(sp?) cool.
http://www.truthout.org/issues_05/032505LA.shtml

This woman is upset: Won't you please give her some water?

I see that with the entrance of spring and all the rebirth and newness that comes with it... the beavers have all changed their names. Well, I will change my name also.
I would also like to introduce you to my new little baby but I don't know how to post pictures onto this thing. Oh well.