come now. or tommorow.

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me.
Might as well go and eat worms.
Long ones, short ones, big fat juicy ones, see how they wriggle and squirm.
Bite their heads off, suck the juice and throw the skins away.
Nobody knows how I survive on a hundred worms a day.

What is a good time? What time do you get off work? Would Sunday be a better day, or is Labor day going to make OG hell?

come Matt.

You have my help with any computer setup you need, Joe.

Mike, I'm very female that way. I wanna know why a relationship doesn't work.
Are you working all weekend? I would love to come up Sat or Sun, even if just to watch you pass out from working a double.

I remember when I was breaking up with Deni - for like six fucking months. When we were fighting I would ask for her dictionary. She didn't have a thesaurus. She would call me all kinds of shitty names, and I would have look stuff up if couldn't think of anything to say. It was great fun. Sounds like Bianca didn't need a dictionary for you Matt. That's one of the troubles dating a girl who has a multi-syllabic vocabulary. It sometimes takes you a couple of days to figure out what the fuck they're calling you. People (expecially females) wanna know why a relationship doesn't work.

"I don't like you. You're creepy." sums is up best.

here's hoping all you beavers have a fantastic weekend.. matt, i'll let you know about monday night.... please let eric know

Joe, The dsl installation is SOOOOOOOOO easy.
I"m back in the game folks. Computer and phone line hooked up at home now... i should be on ALL THE TIME!!!!!

Matt, shut up. You'll be back with her in a week, we all know it.

The Cult of Bianca

"The psychopath is often charming, bright, very persuasive," explains Louis West, a professor of psychiatry at the University of California at Los Angeles medical school. "He quickly wins people's trust and is uncannily adept at manipulating and conning people."

"The problem with cults is that with finding purpose can come financial, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse, says Rick Ross, who since 1982 has been actively involved in consulting on Bible-based cults."

This is my new theory. I joined a cult, complete with a moralistic, charismatic leader. The Cult of Bianca. I worshipped at the temple. Cults have several strategies they use to control their members. Confusing the role of sex, knowing what victims are susceptible, separating members from their friends and family,

Confusing the role of sex
You know how David Koresh had all those sexual concubines at the Waco compound? Well, I think Bianca uses sex in much the same way. She said to me once, "When was the last time you wanted to fuck me? Really fuck me?" I was stunned. We had phenomenal sex. I think she wanted me to NEED it. She wanted to use it as a weapon. A carrot and a stick.

knowing what victims are susceptible
Cult leaders also choose carefully their victims, especially those easily persuaded and those with low self-esteem. Why do you think she chose indie boys, or the shy, quiet dejected types? Because they are likely to feel isolated and part of a special sub group. Malleable.

"People from all walks of life, socioeconomic classes and levels of intelligence may be targeted by cults, Ross says. "When someone is feeling lonely or isolated, they become vulnerable."

I was easily seduced, and loved to hear the compliments, the charm, and feel the love. Alex Shryock is her star pupil though. I was always jeolous of their camaraderie.

Another good trick she pulled was persuasion. I had occasionally thought that she was self-centered and egotistical, yet she somehow convinced me that I was the self-absorbed, unsympathic one. I'm still smarting over that.

Separating members from their friends and family
"They promote a kind of 'scorched Earth' policy to separate these people from their former lives," Ross said.
She never seemed comfortable around my friends or family. She herself did not seem to have many, and I think she wanted the same for me.


In the end, I was not worthy. I was always too rebelious and free.
I survived.


I could go on and on with this analogy, because I think it is rich and has some truth. I have a million more details and anacdotes, but I'll spare you all for now.

Cheap mindless sex COMPLICATES and ENHANCES sincere feelings bubbling up from the bottom of the quagmire, in my experience.

ya'll bitches heard the new OUTkast? the only rappers the matters is black bitch. i mean back bitch.

Isn't that cute. Jim is becoming self-sufficient.

Matt, just avoid having sex with Katie at all costs and you guys should be great friends forever.

Mike, Springfield is waiting for you.

Hey! Guess who's stupid? Me. I forgot to give my landlord 30 days notice, so I'm stuck here for one more month.

Well that's one more month of going away parties. I invited a bunch of girls to go to the strip club. They better not renig on me now.

That would have been great!

Good ole Wesley. He used to stay with some friends of mine out in Riverton from time to time. One night the crazy mofo almost bashed my head in on stage. He was a good guy, Matt shouldn't have tried to fight with him. He was huge and could have snapped him in two.

Mother fucker Mother fucker Mother fucker Mother fucker Mother fucker Mother fucker Mother fucker Mother fucker Mother fucker

One thing I remember about wesley willis was matt bright picking a fight with him at the loser's lounge. That shit was funny. "Matt ... stop. Matt... stop fucking with him. He's crazy."

All those asshole jocks loved his ass.

It looks like Jim's parents found the life-extending pharmaceuticals, diet, and other advanced technologies and are keeping alive and healthy.


Here is a site that Sarah recommended for cutting edge music.
http://www.epitonic.com/
Her musical recommendation this week is Mates of State.

Do you guys remember hearing about the fat schizo street poet Wesley Willis? He was infamous around these parts. I found this article on Epitonic.

R.I.P. Wesley Willis - (08/22/03)

We regret to inform you that one of the true American originals of our era, the incomparable Wesley Willis, passed away Thursday, August 21, at the age of 40. The obese schizophrenic street singer had entered the hospital on July 2, where emergency surgery was performed to quell mysterious internal bleeding, thought to be linked to the leukemia Willis was diagnosed with late last year. He had been recovering in an Illinois hospice, but his health was not good. The exact cause of death is unclear, but heart failure is suspected.

The endearing musical primitive had a song about everyone, it seemed, and put out more than 50 albums. Alternative Tentacles has been anthologizing Willis's work and plans to release Wesley Willis Greatest Hits Vol. 3 this fall.

Hopefully the demons that tormented him ever since he was diagnosed with paranoid shizophrenia in 1989 have been quieted. Wesley, we hope you're headbutting God up in heaven right now.


Matt, send those links you were telling me about. Have you talked with Katie lately?

You pitiable bastard. My generation is gonna make great use of all the new life-extending technologies coming down the pipe, while YOUR generation are all going to die at relatively the same age as your parents did.

Hang in their buddy. The will to live is of primary importance.

Our relationship was a lot like that movie Phonebooth. But i can't figure out which one of us was the sniper and which one of us was the asshole taken hostage.

I hated that fucking movie. That is what happens when two neurotic assholes get together - a bitter protracted power struggle.

It hits a little too close to home at the moment.

"It is never to late to have a happy childhood." Tom Robbins

Meaning: It is never to late to let me know what you think Brian. Blinded or not, I could have used the info. I called you last night to ask if you wanted to go out for drinks some night.

Glad to see Mike is so generous with his shoes and punk-rock shirts. I know what it's like to see a pretty girls' tits and want to give her everything. By giving her everything I mean exploiting her for selfish, narcissistic reasons.

She was awfully judgemental, you know.

Mike you fucker. I have the next couple days off for personal vacation so tell me about where I can be a part of these situations.

Matt, you were blinded at the time and whatever I could have told you wouldn't have mattered. You would have just hated me and I knew when to just let the course ride itself out. Consult me before your next fling and I can find out if she is worthy for you.

Jim, it is pleasant to see you on this blog. Maybe we can talk about music some time.

I met a really nice girl at the bar last night. I forget what her name was, but she took off her shirt and gave it to my buddy Scott. We spent the next fifteen minutes trading shirts. She has great tits. I ended up giving her a bitchin' punk rock shirt. She made off like a bandit. I think she's got my belt and shoes too.

Later we went to Kevin's where we all took our shirts off, and danced till four in the morning. I'd like to hang out with her again some time.

I'm gonna miss this town.

Joe, when I move back do you mind if I invite girls over for all-night, strobe-light hanky-panky parties?

Hey Matt. You dated a ho.

Holy Shit. It's Jim.

You didn't tell me anything Brian. I think you didn't want to say anything negative. But at least tell me now man!

I'm fucking bummed. I could use some cold, hard reassurance from friends. And I need an objective, logical perspective of what the fuck just happened!

I can't believe I'm that bad of a person! I can be cruel, sure. I was terrible to Amy when she took me to Seattle.
I don't think Bianca ever liked me very much as a person, or a friend. She used me for something else; a rebound boyfriend, a self-esteem boost, stability (ha!), sex, who knows.

It did'nt work out. Neither of us got our needs met.

I refuse to use birth control. I'm not hitting any fine ass though.

Matt, I didn't place any bets on how long your relationship would last, but I assumed that the two of you would be together forever. Hey, at least you hit the shit for six weeks.

Take life from the perspective. You could be a flatuant gasbag.

I haven't watched any television for about two weeks now. My cable got turned off; I mean somebody else's cable got turned off, which consequenty made my tv go fuzzy too. I feel completely empty. I want to watch moral court.

Um, I told you so?

I'm watching moral court right now. The conflict is that a mother of four refuses to use birth control. Stupid Catholics.

No, wait. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

"You didn't mean to hurt me. But you did." (Actual Bianca quote!)

Fuck you. I don't need your pity.

Hear me world! And PITY ME!

Conan's Harvard Commencement Speech

"So, that's what I wish for all of you: the bad as well as the good. Fall down, make a mess, break something occasionally. And remember that the story is never over. If it's all right, I'd like to read a little something from just this year: "Somehow, Conan O'Brien has transformed himself into the brightest star in the Late Night firmament. His comedy is the gold standard and Conan himself is not only the quickest and most inventive wit of his generation, but quite possible the greatest host ever."

Ladies and Gentlemen, Class of 2000, I wrote that this morning, as proof that, when all else fails, there's always delusion.

I'll go now, to make bigger mistakes and to embarrass this fine institution even more. But let me leave you with one last thought: If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk."

Not any more. We broke up Saturday.

I'm relieved in a way, sad in another. I don't know which ones of you were placing bets, but it went 6 weeks. Eric had 5$ on 2 weeks. Anybody else fair better?

I was "emotionally abusive" to the point of being a "sadist." Also, a "sociopath."

Yeah Matt, we all got problems. At least your getting some tail.