From my experience, most people try Dragon for a month and then quit using it. That's all I'm saying. It is a nifty program to mess around with, and I encourage you to try it out. I can send you my copy anytime.

Matt Komanecky says: "I am nothing if not sober."

My new circus is going to be a Beaver circus, where Beavers sit around and type their short, adroit remarks into an electronic journal, or log. Hilarity will thus ensue as fast as the wit can be poured into said web log, also known as a "blog."

Oh wait, it looks like my circus dream has already come true. Three cheers for the Wily Beavers!

Monica says "out of the politics 'phase'? I'll believe it when i stop hearing about it!" I'm glad to hear it matt. The circus idea sounds great as well. If you need clowns or ringmasters or popcorn vendors just let me know as i was going to start looking for a part time job. I get bored easily as you know.

Metadata makes me cry too, but then again, I cry alot lately. Data that explains the structure of data. Fab-u-lous.

Monica will be happy to hear that I am out of my politics "phase." Anyone have any suggestions for what the next phase in my life should be? I'm thinking of joining a circus. Actually, making my own circus, without animals. I am redefining what a circus is. Every moment of my life will be a circus. Spontaneous human action (Except that I am incapable of spontaneity).
(I'm kidding about this phase idea. My friends M and M seem to think that my life is divided into phases, but I think they confuse my personality with my haircuts.)

If want to mess around with Dragon NaturallySpeaking, Joe, be my guest. I useful for about five minutes (but not the five minutes that you expect).

On the website, Billionaires for Bush (or Gore), they have parodies of protest chants designed for billionaires. My favorite ones go like this:

This is what PLUTOCRACY looks like!

Big money united shall never be defeated!
The rich united shall never be defeated!

Attention Bloggers: I need to conduct some interviews with those of you that protested the IMF convention. If you could send me your e-mail adresses to mjmann102@hotmail.com, that would be great. Thanks.

Pretty clever caption Joe. You deserve at least 5,000 dollars.

What's going to be your caption joe?

Joe,

the web adress for the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest is www.cartoonbank.com/caption.asp. I tried to get the link to insert, but I couldn't figure it out.

oh yeah, have any of you read any of David Sedaris? He's a great writer. I highly reccommend you pick up one of his books of short stories (their all true to his life). He will keep you laughing. If anybody is interested, I have books you can borrow.

By the way all of you Harry Potter fans out there, The Chamber of Secrets receives a 2 thumbs up in my book. The movie was good. Can somebody do something about the release of book 5? I am growing impatient.

One order of a most pleasant night; coming right up! Give my friend Monica a double helping.
I am at my second job now, I like it more than my morning job and more that my classes at night.

a nine iron might drive me over the edge. I'm not sure. Keep plugging away at it. Steve seemed really nice, I met him at family video. I helped him to locate a movie and then signed him up for a rental membership. I recognized his name. I asked him if he knew you. What a small world. You kids have a most pleasant Monday night. I'll be at work!

What is it going to take to drive Monica over the edge? I'm trying so hard. I'll just keep at it.

How about this? Al Queda was created and funded by the CIA.

BAM! It is so true you cannot deny it. And if you did deny it you would be in denial. POW!

Steve is as sweet as a baked pumpkin seed. Where did you meet him at?
I can wait until christmas. I am a patient boy. I wait and I wait and I wait and I wait (Fugazi - waiting room).
I have one word for X-mas this year. ARGH!

B-B-B-Bender and the Jets.
(You see Joe, it all comes 'round.)

Matt don't worry about a life.... i went shopping in chicago all weekend and i think i found you a new one. Don't worry, it's good. I'm getting it for you for christmas. Can you hold out that long? I met your friend Steve Odom on Friday. Nice guy. Hello to everyone else out there. I'm going insane from all of matt's political jargon here. His plan to drive me insane is working.

Does anyone know where I can find a life? Mine doesn't work anymore.

On Futurama last night, Fry was staging a protest outside of a museum to get his fossilized dog back. With a bullhorn he was rallying the protestors with his cry of:

"What do we want?"
"Our dog back!"
"When do want it?"
"Our dog back!"

And before that, Leela was telling Fry that protesting accomplishes nothing. He replied, "Then that is what I'll do."

Bender the bending robot made an appearance on the Simpsons.

King of the wild frontier.

"19 terrorists in 6 weeks have been able to command 300 million North Americans to do away with the entirety of their civil liberties that took 700 years to advance from the Magna Carta onward. The terrorists have already won the political and ideological war with one terrorist act. It is mindboggling that we are that weak as a society."

- Rocco Galati, David Icke's lawyer in the Richard Warman case.

I'm starting up a non-profit called "Laptops for Ghetto Kids."
My company will buy labtop computers with wireless Ethernet cards for mobile Internet access and give them to inner city poor Springfield children.

We'll make sure every kid has one so they won't fight and steal over them.

This way, they can get the education that they will never get at Springfield public schools. It is sort of like home schooling, only tailored to the individual. Each child can research whatever he or she in interested in.

After one six months, each kid will have to take the following eighth-grade final exam from 1895 from Salina, KS to receive additional funding, upgrades, and attention.
As a part of our business plan, we do not reclaim the laptops.

You guys have thirty days to get in on the ground floor of this once in a lifetime opportunity.

---

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 from Salina, KS. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smoky Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, KS - 1895
Grammar
(Time, one hour)

1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do, lie, lay and run.
5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7. - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic
(Time, 1.25 hours)

1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50 cts. per bu., deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per m?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History
(Time, 45 minutes)

1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865?

Orthography
(Time, one hour)

1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic orthography, etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e'. Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: Bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, super.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: Card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences, Cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography
(Time, one hour)

1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of N.A.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fermandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give inclination of the earth.

Imagine a college student who went to public school trying to pass this test, even if the few outdated questions were modernized.
Words of the Sentient:

"If you would rule the world quietly, you must keep it amused." I notice too, that the ground on which eminent public servants urge the claims of popular education is fear: `This country is filling up with thousands and millions of voters, and you must educate them to keep them from our throats.'
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Whenever is found what is called a paternal government, there is found state education. It has been discovered that the best way to ensure implicit obedience is to commence tyranny in the nursery.
-- Benjamin Disraeli, 1874
That erroneous assumption is to the effect that the aim of public education is to fill the young of the species with knowledge and awaken their intelligence, and so make them fit to discharge the duties of citizenship in an enlightened and independent manner.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The aim of public education is not to spread enlightenment at all; it is simply to reduce as many individuals as possible to the same safe level, to breed and train a standardized citizenry, to put down dissent and originality. That is its aim in the United States, whatever the pretensions of politicians, pedagogues and other such mountebanks, and that is its aim everywhere else.
-- H. L. Menken
I want people to be able to get what they need to live: enough food, a place to live, and an education for their children. Government does not provide these as well as private charities and businesses.
--Colonel David Crockett, member of Congress 1827-32, 1832-35
State education is a mere contrivance for molding people to be exactly alike one another; ... in proportion as it is efficient and successful, it establishes a despotism over the mind, leading by a natural tendency to one over the body.
-- John Stuart Mill, 1859
When an opponent declares, "I will not come over to your side," I calmly say, "Your child belongs to us already...What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community."
-- Adolf Hitler, on public education.

source: http://www.mega.nu:8080/ampp/kaz/test.html
original source: http://www.smart.net/~kaz/test.html

Joseph Aaron Natale (or whatever your middle name is),

On behalf of all of us here at the Wily Beaver, I would like to request that you post your Business Journal column to the Wily Beaver so that we can read it when it. Since none of us subscribe to the Business Journal, but most of us think that you are pretty funny, we would enjoy reading your column.

Please and thank you,
W. Beaver