Saturday, May 24, 2003

cats wake up fast. you ever seen a grumpy cat waking up? one minute their fast asleep, and one second later they're wide awake and concious of everything. i read that kinky book you gave me Joe, and I've been thinking a lot about cats lately. I've never seen a groggy eyed cat. I've noticed sleepy dogs, but cats? they are spiritualy superiour to dogs. regardless of Thurber's musings.
Matt, are they any good mp3 playable car stereos? I want to get one of those iPod's too, but they start at $299.

Friday, May 23, 2003

You are either with the Chicks or against them. I am with them. It's Toby Keith who is causing problems.

Okey Doke, Artichoke?
Anyone heard the new Anthrax CD?
The new record "We've come for you all"
just rules.
Favorite track is "Nobody knows anything"
Goddamn Charlie Benante goes nuts on the drums!

......................................................Please kill me. Ear of Corn sucks brown eye.
Matt,
Here is britt's number.... 773-480-8003 . good luck! I haven't heard from her in a week and a half... no return calls or anything.......... tell her i hope she is still alive!
Monica, I need to get Brit's Phone number. I have to talk to her about our June 6 weekend plans in Chicago. Can you help me out?
Godammit Matt, I love it when you write.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

You can bring it as low as you want, but you must add a touch of class afterward.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

I like the colors. - thanks Matty
Online Learning at UIS

Online courses and degree programs are very popular at UIS. More than 800 students have accounted for the 1,200 enrollments in online classes this fall.

1 in every 8 students is taking purely online courses.

Enrollments in Internet Courses at Illinois Colleges and Universities Fall 1999 to Fall 2002

HOW COME YOU DON'T PUT ANY BAR GRAPHS ON THE BEAVER MATT?
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Have I ever told you about the Illinois Century Network (ICN)? They are a telecommunications backbone providing high speed access to data, video, and audio communication in schools and libraries, at colleges and universities, to public libraries and museums, and for local government and state agencies.

Man, are they essential. Without them we would not exist. Firefighters would not be able to get cats out of trees, cars would explode, and I could not talk to my fellow beavers over a high-speed connection. ICN is the greatest.
<!--End shameless plug-->
Matt, good work with the presentations. I saw the bar graphs on the news. You may want to make mention of where you get your fine internet service there or it could dissappear which would definately kill distance learning. The Chicago govenor Blagayovich in his short-sightedness what's to ruin it.

I'm not bitter, no, never.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Speaking of menstruating, did anyone else catch the season-ending finale of Gilmore Girls? I am now 30% girl for watching that show. I'm going to go cut myself shaving now.
Joe ......... bloody hell? is that a tampax reference? I'm the bleeder here? Anyway... i am here....
matt... the women's open was good... but there are sooooo many good stories in that book.... i can't choose a favorite.
Does everyone have their American Flag cursor yet? You can get it at myfreecursors.com. You also get free spyware with that.
I'm tired. All these presentations regarding online learning have me pooped. I'm going home.
The closest I ever came to having a period was in a dream. When I was a little kid I wanted to be a game show host or an ambulance driver. I don't think I have the personality for either.
Ear of Corn is in this mug biatches! Bloody cunt sex up in this deep.

If your in Chicago go see Nordic Mistress tonight. Good times will be had by all.
And that outfit she wore to the party is total boner material. It reminds me of Princess Leigh's prison outfit at Cloud City. Is there a sexier (or more creepy) place in the universe then Cloud City? (besides my apartment?)
I want to suck on that bloody tampon after she removes it and devour her juices.

TUE. MAY 20TH - 8PM - (TICKETS ON SALE AT WWW.ABBEYPUB.COM)
QWEL w/ NORDIC MISTRESS (GALAPAGOS4 RECORDS)
"Nordic Mistress are the supreme white blackmetal rap group in Chicago right now. Further than slitting your wrist chips. Some doggs want old style, some want the krizzle, NORDIC MISTRESS just wants you to sign your name in blood on the dotted line, or take a dip in the jacuzzzi with your other nordic girlfriend"

MAJESTICONS featuring MIKE LADD (NINJA TUNE / BIG DADA)
"Majesticons are about the ultimate post-Jiggy experience. Beats in the Valley beyond Bling. Some cats want loot, others want power and some are so far-gone they just want more beauty."
BEANS (of anti-pop consortium)
just added !!! the YOUNGBLOOD BRASS BAND
@ ABBEY PUB - 3420 W. Grace (at Elston) - (773)478-4408 - www.abbeypub.com
Agreed. I wanted to watch that sexy blonde at the party insert the tampon, but they never show that.

Chapter 4 or 5 in Naked is called the Women's Open, and it is about the narrator's sister "becoming a woman" on the golf course. The clueless dad makes the kids carry his clubs and teaches them how to swing in an effort to get them to appreciate the game of golf. On one of these tortuous outings the girl has her first period.

Monday, May 19, 2003

Is it just me, or has tampox commercials gotten a lot sexier lately?

Dead Beavers -

I always hating coming across dead animals. I remember seeing a dead cat in the drive thru of a my parents bank. It's funny how dead animals can sneek up on you.

I watched a special movie on Mtv called "wasted" tonight. It was a 2 hour psa on why teen-agers shouldn't do heroin. They say heroin is like 200x better then anything you've ever felt in your entire life. I've always been a champion for moderation, and blow-jobs. so personally I don't care if heroin is a blow-job x200.
Matt, I can go pretty low. Are you sure you want this?
Don't want you getting pissed afterward.
nice shutout matty mo. anyone else catch the upskirt beaver shot right before the last out. took up about 1/4 of the screen.
Entertain me, you sons-a-bitches!
Matt is listening to: Dillinger Escape Plan

Matt is reading: Naked by David Sedaris
Ascii art: skulls
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I didn't say "shit can" this blog, I said run it into the ground. I want to see how far we can sink.
I'm with Matt. Let's shit can this brown eye fuck. I'm sure you've all seen this article, it takes up space:

LONDON (May 9) - Give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, the theory goes, and they will eventually produce the works of Shakespeare.

Give six monkeys one computer for a month, and they will make a mess.

Researchers at Plymouth University in England reported this week that primates left alone with a computer attacked the machine and failed to produce a single word.

``They pressed a lot of S's,'' researcher Mike Phillips said Friday. ``Obviously, English isn't their first language.''

In a project intended more as performance art than scientific experiment, faculty and students in the university's media program left a computer in the monkey enclosure at Paignton Zoo in southwest England, home to six Sulawesi crested macaques.

Then, they waited.

At first, said Phillips, ``the lead male got a stone and started bashing the hell out of it.

``Another thing they were interested in was in defecating and urinating all over the keyboard,'' added Phillips, who runs the university's Institute of Digital Arts and Technologies.

Eventually, monkeys Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan produced five pages of text, composed primarily of the letter S. Later, the letters A, J, L and M crept in.

The notion that monkeys typing at random will eventually produce literature is often attributed to Thomas Huxley, a 19th-century scientist who supported Charles Darwin's theories of evolution. Mathematicians have also used it to illustrate concepts of chance.

The Plymouth experiment was funded by England's Arts Council and part of the Vivaria Project, which plans to install computers in zoos across Europe to study differences between animal and artificial life.

Phillips said the results showed that monkeys ``are not random generators. They're more complex than that.

``They were quite interested in the screen, and they saw that when they typed a letter, something happened. There was a level of intention there.''

05/09/03 12:52 EDT

Copyright 2003 The Associated Press.

Sunday, May 18, 2003

Matt Bright, listen to one of these shows, if you have the time and inclination, and let me know what you think. I think you will like it.

Or maybe you will be offended. What do I know?
Seriously, I can't run this blog into the ground without the help of my friends. You guys have to do your part. If you have to, just post the color blue for 400 lines. Like so:

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You should have read this article first, Armageddon Ends Badly, for a proper introduction into the Church of the SubGenius. But hey, life's messy!

The primary goal of the members is to achieve slack, the ultimate and undefinable state of pure pleasure. The primary obstacle to their goal is the conspiracy by pinks to deny the SubGenii their slack. Often described as "an anti-religion religion," the church's only rule is "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."
Scientology has the power to keep me entertained for millions of years.
This is too funny. Subgenius posts on alt.religion.scientology.

Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
From: fetters@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu (Jim A. Fetters)
Subject: Successes of DobbsThink (tm)
Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 09:03:47 GMT

This is what a SubGenius parishioner had to say about his wins
through DobbsThink (tm):

About 5 1/2 years ago I was miserable. When things didn't go well I blamed
L. Ron for all my failures. I was always broke and relied heavily on L.
Ron to bail me out. I was at a point where I knew I needed some spare
change. I had read other self help books, and I would get fired up for
about a day, but that was it. Then I read Dianetics. Wow! The gun-barrel
clicked when I was I pressed it to L. Ron's head and I knew that that was
it. It made sense and it was something that I could do and see the results
of, and they stayed with me. By killing L. Ron ------ from that moment on
my life has been getting better. Freedom! At last!


(c) 1995 The Church of the SubGenius (tm)




Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
From: fetters@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu (Jim A. Fetters)
Subject: Re: Testimonials for DobbsThink (tm)
Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 08:26:44 GMT

This is what a SubGenius parishioner had to say about his wins in
DobbsThink (tm):

Four years ago I had a beat-up old pickup, my wife had left me and I had
no job. It was then that I discovered The Church of the Immaculate '60
Chevy and got a renewed attitude toward life. Where things were not
possible for me they were now possible. My life has expanded incredibly.
I now have my own cult members, groupies, and my wife and I got back
together through The SubGenius Short Duration Marriage Counseling. We are
now very happily married for 15 minute stretches. That Dobbs --- He's
our man!

(c) 1995 The Church of the SubGenius (tm)






Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
From: fetters@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu (Jim A. Fetters)
Subject: Re: Testimonials for DobbsThink (tm)
Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 08:25:37 GMT


This is what a SubGenius parishioner had to say about her wins in
DobbsThink (tm):

I used to have a fear of mind control. Every time I'd go to the grocery
store or to a movie or almost any place where there were lots of people
from the Church of Scientology trying to get me to join their mind-numbing
cult. Every time I even heard the name "Hubbard" I'd go into a panic, my
heart would race, my hands would sweat and I would feel as though I was
going to burn every copy of Dianetics in existance. This problem was
completely handled in one hour when I decided to get even. I loaded my 69
chevy with a nuclear tipped warhead and aimed it the local Scientology
church. As the charred bodies of Xenu fled in terror, the face of "Bob"
--- pipe and all --- appeared in the glowing mushroom cloud comforting me
as thousands of cult members burned in a thermonuclear cook-out ---- and
it has never recurred. If I had gone to The Church of Scientology, I'm
sure it would have cost tens of thousands of dollars and years of therapy
and probably still would not be cured. Thanks to DobbsThink (tm) my X-ist
Evacution chamber now protects me from high levels of radition. Thanks to
the nice Dobbs salesman who convinced me and my husband to by a share in
the Tribulation Condominum encased in 35 feet of concrete. "Bob" thinks
of everything!
Ok, I made my confession, you fools, now you make yours!

And put a little effort into it!

(Matt and Joe, I'm looking at you!)
While searching the Internet for information on my hero L. Ron Hubbard, I came across this article through a little synchronicity: Heroes on the internet: Xenu, Mozilla and "Bob". It ties in three seemingly unrelated objects in my life: Xenu, the intergalactic nemisis of Scientologists everywhere. Mozilla, the obscure and buggy browser that I use. And Bob Dobbs, my philisopical anti-hero, media scientist, and solar government spy who inspired the fictional J.R. Bob Dobbs and the Church of the Subgenius.

Everything really is connected to everything else!
Boo, Al Sharpton. He's a spoiler for the Republican Party, being used to siphon off votes from any viable Democrats. Frankly, no Democrat is really qualified to clean up the devastation created by Bush the past few years.

Do you think Bush will win all 50 states in '04?

You know, I like the actor Jim Carrey a lot, but I get the impression that he struggles with megalomania. And when he says things like, 'Hey, I had the sickest mom when I was a kid, and that's basically how comedians are born. You have to make [people] laugh. You have to make them feel better,' I know my hunch is right (Almighty, then! Carrey laughs again). Plus, the public breakups with actresses like Renee Zelwiger have been pretty ugly. She refuses to even talk about it.

What's up with Yankee fans booing Matsui for dropping a couple of balls? The Japanese media has near 100 reporters hounding their new star Hideki, giving the Seattle Mariners Ichiro Suzuki a bit of a breather. (Steady Suzuki settles into stardom as Japanese media turn attention to Matsui)

I was wondering what kind of movies the Japanese make. I don't see a lot of foreign films. I know India has it's own version of Hollywood, called Bollywood, which churns out more movies than anywhere in the world (mostly musicals), but what is the Japanese Hollywood like? I do still want to see Kurosawa's 1956 masterpiece Seven Samurai and the more recent, Miyazaki's Sprited Away.

Castoreum

Animal scent markings are notorious for smelling terrible. But castoreum is different. It has a musky smell that some people describe as van...