This is too funny. Subgenius posts on alt.religion.scientology.

Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
From: fetters@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu (Jim A. Fetters)
Subject: Successes of DobbsThink (tm)
Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 09:03:47 GMT

This is what a SubGenius parishioner had to say about his wins
through DobbsThink (tm):

About 5 1/2 years ago I was miserable. When things didn't go well I blamed
L. Ron for all my failures. I was always broke and relied heavily on L.
Ron to bail me out. I was at a point where I knew I needed some spare
change. I had read other self help books, and I would get fired up for
about a day, but that was it. Then I read Dianetics. Wow! The gun-barrel
clicked when I was I pressed it to L. Ron's head and I knew that that was
it. It made sense and it was something that I could do and see the results
of, and they stayed with me. By killing L. Ron ------ from that moment on
my life has been getting better. Freedom! At last!


(c) 1995 The Church of the SubGenius (tm)




Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
From: fetters@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu (Jim A. Fetters)
Subject: Re: Testimonials for DobbsThink (tm)
Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 08:26:44 GMT

This is what a SubGenius parishioner had to say about his wins in
DobbsThink (tm):

Four years ago I had a beat-up old pickup, my wife had left me and I had
no job. It was then that I discovered The Church of the Immaculate '60
Chevy and got a renewed attitude toward life. Where things were not
possible for me they were now possible. My life has expanded incredibly.
I now have my own cult members, groupies, and my wife and I got back
together through The SubGenius Short Duration Marriage Counseling. We are
now very happily married for 15 minute stretches. That Dobbs --- He's
our man!

(c) 1995 The Church of the SubGenius (tm)






Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
From: fetters@enuxsa.eas.asu.edu (Jim A. Fetters)
Subject: Re: Testimonials for DobbsThink (tm)
Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 08:25:37 GMT


This is what a SubGenius parishioner had to say about her wins in
DobbsThink (tm):

I used to have a fear of mind control. Every time I'd go to the grocery
store or to a movie or almost any place where there were lots of people
from the Church of Scientology trying to get me to join their mind-numbing
cult. Every time I even heard the name "Hubbard" I'd go into a panic, my
heart would race, my hands would sweat and I would feel as though I was
going to burn every copy of Dianetics in existance. This problem was
completely handled in one hour when I decided to get even. I loaded my 69
chevy with a nuclear tipped warhead and aimed it the local Scientology
church. As the charred bodies of Xenu fled in terror, the face of "Bob"
--- pipe and all --- appeared in the glowing mushroom cloud comforting me
as thousands of cult members burned in a thermonuclear cook-out ---- and
it has never recurred. If I had gone to The Church of Scientology, I'm
sure it would have cost tens of thousands of dollars and years of therapy
and probably still would not be cured. Thanks to DobbsThink (tm) my X-ist
Evacution chamber now protects me from high levels of radition. Thanks to
the nice Dobbs salesman who convinced me and my husband to by a share in
the Tribulation Condominum encased in 35 feet of concrete. "Bob" thinks
of everything!