"Am I evil enough for your Evil Club?"
- King of Monstrous Doom

who is Professor murder? Cline felter? I AM SOOOOO CONFUSED!!!!! AARRGGHH!!

Mattie- I am stopping by your office in about 1/2 hour to get that tape!!

What nostalgia theme? Getting reamed by your boyfriend sucka?

If anyones interested, the professor is V.I.P. tonight cause he was born on this day 26 years ago.

Microbes? Get out of here with that shit and your sex fantasies faggot! As promised the Professors back with new science to drop on yall. The professor be a documented RHCT now so I gots all yous linux knowlege. Go ahead and bring it bitch!

Good morning kids!

Today's theme is Microbes! Yes, microbes are organisms of microscopic or ultramicroscopic size.

Many of them live in our guts, on our skin and inside all the major body openings!

For the most part, microbes are essential to human life, but once in a while they can kill us.

If I can get serious for a moment, I want to tell you about Shigella. Shigella is a nasty bacterium that causes shigellosis, also known as bacillary dysentery, an intestinal disease that causes many undesirable symptoms. This disease is a problem all over the world, is highly contagious, and is slowly becoming resistant to antibiotics.

Stay away from Shigella, ok kids?

Now get outta here, before I tell your parents what you have been picking up on the playground and putting in your mouth!


Mycobacterium avium complex (MAC) infection (human lung). Secondary infection to AIDS, HIV. Courtesy of Dennis Kunkel.

I have to do some journal writing for health class, and I'm gonna do it here and print it out. Ya'll are lucky enough to read my personal thoughts. Here goes.

I've not exercised in a week, and now since the weather is getter colder, who cares what I look like naked. No one is gonna see it. I read the section on sexual activity statistics in the health book, and I got a huge kick out of the results. I swear the observation about people having more sex to PBS than to prime-time is a joke. Although it is more likely that dry intellectual programs lead to sex as opposed to emotionally engaging TV dramas.

I saw the Temptress out at the bar last night. I thought to myself, "Go use your charms on someone else." She was being so sweet and nice, inquiring as to how I was and what I've been up to. Maybe I'm too paranoid but I swear that is an emotional blackmailing tactic. You see, that is how she manipulates; by being so people pleasing and helpful and selfless. Doesn't make much sense does it? But trust me, it's manipulation. The thought process of such an individual is such: "I'm giving to them so they will love me." Which means, they're not giving anything to them. They are doing this for themselves.

Now obviously I wouldn't be going on about this if I still didn't feel bitter, regretful, thankful, hopeful, and wistful about what transpired between us. I said too much. New subject.

I've been working like hell lately. The friggin' web application a bunch of errors that I found while I was working on it today. It'll take all week to fix it. I scanned and formatted the personnel handbook training modules for Ombudsman for Margaret and posted it to the ICARE website. I got to do another training module this afternoon for managers. I helped Mike move some of his stuff back from Bloomington last night, and then we went out for drinks. It was quite an accomplished day. I'll recover tonight by watching tv and masturbating, since I don't have a sexual partner at the moment. It would be funnier if it wasn't true.

Ok, I've got to get back to work. They are not paying me to blog.

My conclusions are, If you want more sex:

Buy a gun, get married, go to a baseball game and a concert, become agnostic, watch PBS and lots of TV, and become an ''extreme" liberal or consertative.

I have sexual behavior statistics from the General Social Survery (GSS).

• Married people have more sex than unmarried people.
• People who work more than 60 hours a week are about 10 percent more sexuall active than other workers.
• Americans who attend Grad school are the least sexually active out of the college student group.
• Catholics are slighty more sexually active than Protestants. Jews and agnostics are 20 percent more sexually active than either.
• Sexual activity is higher among self-described liberals than among moderates or conservatives, and it is highest among those who describe themselves as "extreme liberals" and "extreme conservatives."
• People who own guns have higher-than-average sexual frequency.
• Sexual frequency increases among those who engage in other pleasurable pursuits, such as attending concerts, sporting events, and active forms of leisure. It also increases along with television viewing. The more TV individuals watch, the more often they have sex. "It is not clear," the researchers observe, "whether the sexual response is stimulated by what is on screen, or by boredom. And for some reason, watching PBS seems more positively related with increased sexual behavior than watching regular prime-time drama."

Brilliant.

I haven't secured a job in Springfield yet, so I didn't want to sign a lease anywhere. Hey Matt, I'm gonna give you a call.

What do you need me to do Mike? I'll do it.

Way to go Mr. Clotfelter. Our evil plans are right on schedule.

Do you know how to miff a girl off? Give her a good swift kick in the cu**.

Uncle Mike,
You could have solved some of your problems by getting your own place. Then you only have to move once. Living at your folks isn't gonna get you any redheaded fun to take home!!!

Monica and Josh do it?

Hey Matt K. This is Uncle Mike. I'll give you 20 bucks and buy you dinner if you help me move some shit tonight. Whaddya say?

The Role of the Delete Key in Blog

September 29, 2003
By MICHAEL FALCONE


A recent policy change at The Sacramento Bee has raised
questions about whether taking an editor’s pen to a
Web log before it is published detracts from the nature of
"blogs."

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/29/technology/29blog.html?ex=1065846739&e
i=1&en=2615583ab41df1a1

I'm only having sex to circus music from now on. And I want high wires and trapeze's too. And a canon. And Elephants. Maybe a clown car with a dozen clowns, I'm not sure.

Or maybe John Philips Souza. That's what Monica and Josh do it to, so the neighbors say.

I'm listening to the postal service right now Matt.

There's comes a point in time when you need to separate sex from indie rock. Postal Service is sitting right on top of that point. Haven't you guys ever heard of Barry White?

I went to Macdonold's to get some burritos, and these two girls were beating the crap out of each other at the bus stop. One of them saw me driving by, so she kicked the other girl's book bag into the street, hoping the I would run it over.

Now how the hell did I get dragged into that conflict?

I will make my triumphant return draped in an American flag, and wearing my custom made "mark prior is a homo" t-shirt. All to the tune of "nimrod son" by the pixies.

Good luck in the playoffs cubbies. I hope you get shellaked!

well i got my 2 hours of sleep. time to start blogging.

it's not that i don't want to come home.

1. the thought of becoming a manager at a restraunt is thorougly depressing. ( i can't spell now: sleep deprivation)

2. i don't want to clean up all the dog shit in the room i'll be staying in.

3. living with my parents means i have to start wearing pants and acting like a normal human being again.

4. i'm gonna miss the red head chick. the last couple of weeks she started to warm up to me

5. moving is just depressing

6. isu girls are neurotically fucked up and most of them got great tushies. i'm gonna miss em.

I am looking forward to spending more time with friend and family though, and am axiously awaiting lunches at the holy land.

or maybe, just maybe i'll be struck by a train at a railroad crossing.


I prefer the duck.

I am going to be crushed to death by a Giant Duck!!!

Uncle Mike,
is it that you don't want to come home?
what is it?

I will be struck down by a meteor!



How will you die? Take the Exotic Cause of Death Test

Alright. I've been bored and now I'm drinking. Problem solved.

Eric is on his way over for some conversation and whiskey. Does anyone here like the postal service? That is the name of a band we used to have sex to. It's sentimental. Can sex be sentimental? It's more physical than an emotion. can Emotions be physical? What about emoticons? You know, the yellow faces that express cute emotions in email. Yeah.

"I ain't no god damn son of a bitch. you better think about it, baby." What were the Misfits trying to say? I like it. It's edgy.

Shhh. Can you hear that?

Springfield is holding it's breath tonight waiting for Mike's return.

Either that or Springfield is constipated and straining to get rid of these Route 66'ers.