the son's of bitches are everywhere. I've got my "Magnet" issue featuring Steven Malkmus on the cover rolled up set out to destroy these nasty basterds, but for everyone I kill 15 more zoom in and out of my range. .at this moment there are fifteen of them on my cpu screen, and three resting on my inactive typing fingers.

the dead animal is resting deep, but the six-hunrdred flys aren't leaving. the only meat product lying around is little timmy. (my punk-rock penis)

Baby shoe right, baby boot wrong.


To get rid of the flys, get rid of the dead animal and any meat products you might have sitting out.

my apartment has become infested with flys. it's out of control. what's the best way to get rid of six-hundred flys?

Akira came home in a box this morning. He completely wasted away into nothing but fur and bones in four days. My lease is up at the end of August. Any suggestions beavers?

see ya friday matt.

I don't care about cats. They don't seem to care about people. Stop killing them as they are still living creatures.

I was wanting to take some RHCE certs and I ran across this fun paragraph:

Users of Linux depend on the market and IT publishing industry to supply useful printed reference guides and keep them up to date. Red Hat does not endorse particular guides, since we cannot vouch that they are accurate or up-to-date without reviewing them extensively, by which time they are likely to be out of date.

It appears as if one of the neighbor's cats (Akira) has been poisoned. He's probably going to die tonight. He came over to my place this afternoon: moaning,screaching, and crying - he eventually crawled underneath my stove, and refused to come out.

Naturally, I'm a suspect - what with my secret cache of nerve agents and all.

One of their other cats (Syrius) has come to visit me tonight. He never comes over to my place, but tonight he came over with a confused look on his face. I think he might be looking for his falling brethren. He asked me a couple of questions, but I couldn't understand him. Nor did I think he understood any of my answers.

It's a sad night tonight in the apartments above the barber shop on West Washington Street.

Babylon Sisters by Steely Dan"

'My friends say no don't go
For that cotton candy
Son you're playing with fire
The kid will live and learn
As he watches his bridges burn
From the point of no return'

Ok, I'm back. I want to create a machine with the interrogation skills and personality of Dr. Phil. It could spit out hokey expressions, listen and respond to your problem set, and then doll out practical advice.

Dr. Philbot shall I call it.


"Dr. Philbot, Why am I single?"

"Do an autopsy on your past relationships. (clunk) Why didn't they work? (wizz-bang) Look at things honestly and learn from your mistakes."

"What can I do to attract a man with the characteristics I want?"

"Decide what kind of person you're looking for (whirr) and put yourself in a target-rich environment. (click!) If, for example, you're looking for a man who loves the outdoors, go there. (ka-chink) And if you're not looking for a barfly, don't go to a bar to meet someone!"

"Dr. Philbot, I am going to kick your shiny metal dome in!"

"Be your authentic self. (BOOM!) Your authentic self is who you are when you have no fear of judgment, or before the world starts pushing you around and telling you who you're supposed to be. (Processing....) Your fictional self is who you are when you have a social mask on to please everyone else — and it doesn't work if you're looking for a lasting relationship. (Splunk) Give yourself permission to be your authentic self."


Turing would be impressed.

I can't write until my nerves get better. I'm abstaining from computers as much as possible; outside of and at work.

MK signing off.

Do they accept the printed coupons? Although I love their food, I've encountered some real retards behind the counter and don't feel like getting a hassle.

Publix subs are good but their bread is too god damned stiff. It's like someone sliced a dildo right down the middle and made a turkey sandwich out of it. Plus the f-ing crumbs go all over the place from that crusty bread.

what do i want on my tombstone?
sausage and pepperoni of course!!
sorry. just a little pizza humor.. i don't even eat meat.

who are you people? and where is matt k?
Matt, I worked last night (monday) so i couldn't make it out. Hope you guys had fun!!!

When I am reincarnated I want to be a tombstone.

On my tombstone I want it to read: "I always had the biggest crush on you."

Wow. that was querr quer. You were dead on.

okay.. i need somebody to list for me who is who... i can't figure out how to look it up anymore... the page looks different. who is Phuh Quer? who is flatulent gasbag #3?
i'm soooo confused.

On my tombstone I want it to read: "You never knew the real me."

I got secrets nobody knows about.