Ok, I'm back. I want to create a machine with the interrogation skills and personality of Dr. Phil. It could spit out hokey expressions, listen and respond to your problem set, and then doll out practical advice.

Dr. Philbot shall I call it.


"Dr. Philbot, Why am I single?"

"Do an autopsy on your past relationships. (clunk) Why didn't they work? (wizz-bang) Look at things honestly and learn from your mistakes."

"What can I do to attract a man with the characteristics I want?"

"Decide what kind of person you're looking for (whirr) and put yourself in a target-rich environment. (click!) If, for example, you're looking for a man who loves the outdoors, go there. (ka-chink) And if you're not looking for a barfly, don't go to a bar to meet someone!"

"Dr. Philbot, I am going to kick your shiny metal dome in!"

"Be your authentic self. (BOOM!) Your authentic self is who you are when you have no fear of judgment, or before the world starts pushing you around and telling you who you're supposed to be. (Processing....) Your fictional self is who you are when you have a social mask on to please everyone else — and it doesn't work if you're looking for a lasting relationship. (Splunk) Give yourself permission to be your authentic self."


Turing would be impressed.