I went camping last night. fun stuff. I wasted 12 bucks on condoms. I felt like a jack-off.

tayter? 3rd string Cardinal team is tied for first with the baby bears. Who's your Daddy now?

"And I thought the original movie was bullshit" That's right Beavers, I saw Matrix 2 tonight. What a horrible and miserable piece of Crap! The characters were barely one-dimensional, and the dialogue was ( . . . . .)


That''s the best I got. Somebody wrote the dialogue.They shouldn't have done that. I'm mad that I had to listen to all of that shit. I just wanted the machines to break, and the humans to start drinking. That's not sci-fi but It would have actually Meant something. Talking about the infallible nature of machines, the ice machine at work broke again the other day. That fucking thing has one job. Make Ice. And it breaks. If I had one job, and it was to make ice. I would make the hell out that ice.

The phrase: "the word idiot" could also be considered an idiom.

Inserting "most" before "previous" in your previous post is considered idiomatic. Idiomatic is derived from the word idiot.

Sometimes when I'm eating something with my shirt off, I will spill and catch food in my belly button. What I do is take a damp rag, and dab.

What an odd sentence this is:

Backing up the theory that randy youngsters have no qualms about coupling in the great outdoors is the increase in sales of videos catching copulating couples pumping pubics in public.

It's all an illusion. If you meet her and talk to her out somewhere away from the bars the illusion will be lost.

-----------------------------------------Flatulent Gasbag #3 fans above this line-----------------------------------------------------

Soda is bad for you Matt. Betta recognize fool.

My face has cleared up. On an unrelated note, I feel woozy, like I'm on acid. I even saw colors in the corners of my vision. I think I just need a nap. I drank a whole soda and now i feel better.

uncle mike,
congrats on the uncle thing. I've been away... my phone is disconnected so i have no internet access cept for the folks house.
I spend about 25 minutes in the shower i would guess. i just like to relax in the steamy hot shower so the first 5 minutes or so... i just stand under the water.
matt K. --what did you do to your face?
I saw brian wanless today.... he stopped in the video store to drop off movies... he's so thoughtful he even came in to say hello.

I heard about Matt N. I guess there was a button to open the gate, but he decided to climb over it, slipped and gouged his head on the top.

If there were a victor I would have to say Matt K as his impairment is not due to drunken idiocy.

Yes, I am the Red Eye Ninja, and Matt N. is my rival, of the Black and Blue Eye School.

It was a bitter struggle, with no clear victor.

You should wear dark sunglasses.

Tell anyone that asks what happened to you that you fell down the stairs.

Dude, I look like a hideous freak. My right eye is swollen and red, it looks like somebody punched me in the face. I'm embarressed to talk to anybody I work with, and I've been avoiding my boss and my coworkers.

Yet when I go to the bathroom and see myself in the mirror, I have to laugh. I think it looks cool. People just won't understand.

I'll write a song called "The Handsome Leper" to help people understand this plight of mine.

The diseased man shuffled
along the dusty road
sun beating on his face
swollen like a toad

repulsive as this leper was
rotting flesh digusting as sin
he possessed a Clintonian charm and charisma
pretty maidens unable to stop looking at and desiring him

A little boy and an old man were walking into the woods.

The little boy sqeezed the older man's hand and said, "I'm afraid. I'm afraid of going into these woods."

The older man replied, "Your afraid? Think about how I'm going to feel coming out alone."

(Sing like a folksy Lucinda Williams around a campfire)

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Put needles in my belly in
take samples of my skin
I don't care as long as I can live with saucerman
I know that you don't take requests
but I'm a special case
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Hey cow mutilators
Let me join your crew
Give me me a knife You bet your life
I'll cut up cows for you
I don't care if your some kind of ghastly beast
without a face
so come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Come down you tiny robot with your little nipper claws
You pale and bugeyed alien with white and flabby paws
life is just suckers dream and death is a discrace
so come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

Take me off to space
Take me off to space
Come on down you saucer man
and take me off to space

"Take Me Off 2 Space" -- Nenslo

A mushroom walks into a bar.

The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve mushrooms here."

The mushroom replies: "Why not? I'm a fun guy (fungi)."

Wake me up when this blog is over, please.

My face is swollen with some kind of allergic reaction or bacteria or monkeypox or something. I like the look: Mad Max meets burn victim. The redness and itching is around my right eye and under my chin, and the rest of my face is slightly puffy.

What's worse is that the itching has spread to my weiner. How embarrasing is that? It's like I have crabs or something, trying not to scratch. Should I take my penis to the doctor?

"Doctor, I think you should have a look at this."

"Could you put the cream on a little slower please?"

"You know doctor, you have a sexy ass. I can tell even through the lab coat you are a beautiful woman."

I got shampoo in my eye. It stings.

I'm glad we got this conversation recorded. The uterine shower and its philosophical implications complete and surpass the work of the 19th and 20th centuries' psychologists.

You heard it hear first.

Beavers been a bit dry lately, so I figure I'd write about what I do in the shower. I read an article about men spending much more time in the shower lately, and the point the writer was trying to make was that men are becoming much more like women in their grooming habits.

step #1. dance around naked until I get the right tempertuare (about 10-15 seconds)
step #2. scratch my ass. (about a minute and a half)
step #3 smell my finger (about a second or two)
step #4 consider yanking it (ten seconds)
step #5 yank it (four minutes)
step #6 turn up the cold water till everything returns to normal (1 to 2 minutes)
step #7 brush teeth and use mouthwash (90 seconds)
step #8 dance around naked and bang on wall to let neighbor know I'm trying to take a shower, so if she could stop doing the dishes that would be great (30 seconds)
step #9 wonder if I washed my hair yet (10 seconds)
step #10 wash ass (1 Minute)
step #11 play with belly (15 seconds)
step #12 think (1 minute)
step #13 shave (1 minute)

I spend about 12 to 15 minutes in the shower. Does that make me a girl? Hey Moni. How does your grooming habits in the shower compare?

I don't wanna know what Matt Bright does in the shower.

"Sometimes I park
In handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people
make handicapped faces."
-Dennis Leary

Go read the Tard Blog. http://www.tardblog.com

Happy Birthday Matt.

Is that picture the site of your new home, or are you the tractor?

I put up a post today!

My kung-fu is stronger than yours.