Dude, I look like a hideous freak. My right eye is swollen and red, it looks like somebody punched me in the face. I'm embarressed to talk to anybody I work with, and I've been avoiding my boss and my coworkers.

Yet when I go to the bathroom and see myself in the mirror, I have to laugh. I think it looks cool. People just won't understand.

I'll write a song called "The Handsome Leper" to help people understand this plight of mine.

The diseased man shuffled
along the dusty road
sun beating on his face
swollen like a toad

repulsive as this leper was
rotting flesh digusting as sin
he possessed a Clintonian charm and charisma
pretty maidens unable to stop looking at and desiring him